Report to: Akkad of Troy, servant of the King of Kings

From: Ariamnes of Opis, Scribe

After many trials and travails, I've found the descendant of the man we know only as “Kleptes.” For a fee, the young man was happy to tell me all about the story of his ancestor, and even provided evidence. The story below wasn't cheap, but hopefully it will please our master. Also, I need a new robe, a belt, and a coin purse. There is still more than a little bit of larceny in the line of Kleptes.

***

Aphrodite stood before the statue with a small frown on her face, her left hand tapping one of the many gold bracelets on her right wrist. She couldn't help but notice that the statue was a nice likeness. It would be perfect if that damned king hadn't decided to cover it in those stupid bronze chains. She resolved he would suffer some serious consequences, right as she heard a sound in the back of the temple.

A mortal wouldn't have heard a thing, but she was no mortal, and could detect even the faintest of sounds, especially in her temple. She saw a dark shape creeping towards her statue. Eros, standing next to her, readied the one arrow that Apollo gave him in case of serious blasphemy, but Aphrodite held him back.

“Hold on, dear. I want to see what his is doing.”

Like a cat, the black figure danced back and forth, moving from shadow to shadow. He avoided the bells that were there to alert the guards as if he put them there himself. He made it to the statue with ease, and with a wink to the statue, set out what looked like a large skin with a small hollow reed in it.

He then proceeded to blow into the skin, and it began to increase in size like a gigantic balloon. He put what looked like a bit of tree sap in the small hollow reed.

Aphrodite's face lit up with joy and surprise as she realized what his plan was, and giggled gleefully.

Once the skin was filled up to about a foot tall, the man set to work. Starting at the bottom and working up, he picked each of the locks for the chains, gently lowering each chain onto the skin at the base of the statue. Once he was done, he wrapped each chain in a blanket, put it in his backpack, let the air out of the skin, and packed everything back into his now rather full bag.

He then looked at the statue, smiled, and gave it a quick peck on the cheek. “Well, it's been fun, but I gotta run. You're fun, but your chaperones are real buzz kills.”

Kleptes turned around just in time to see Aphrodite standing between him and the temple door, and say, “Leaving so soon?”

“Oh, why hello there, ma'am. I didn't realize the temple was closed, must have gotten lost on the way to the forum. You know, it's good that you chose to be a priestess of Aphrodite, as you really have the look down. Now if you will excuse me I really must be...”

As he talked, Kleptes started easing away from the Goddess, planning on getting just enough distance to bolt. The second he turned around, Eros was right in front of him, with an arrow knocked and pointed straight at his chest.

“You should look closer, mortal. She isn't a priestess of Aphrodite, she IS Aphrodite.”

“Ah. So..wow. Okay. Aphrodite. Uh huh. Yeah,” Kleptes said, as he turned to face the Goddess.

“What were you doing in my temple, mortal?” Aphrodite asked, as she slowly walked closer, her hips swaying hypnotically.

Eros cleared his throat. “This might be a good time to be honest as well as eloquent. And it might be smart to introduce yourself as well.”

The man nodded, “Kleptes. My name is Kleptes. Well, my Lady, it is basically what it looks like. Your statue looked like a display for the local smith, and I thought that wasn't right, so here we are.”

Aphrodite stopped about half a step from him, just enough so that he could feel her presence, but not so close as to be too inviting. “Why, Kleptes? Why did you care?”

Kleptes blinked, “Because nobody deserves to be in chains, even symbolic ones.”

Aphrodite furrowed her exquisite brow, “So, you had no wish, no desire. You did it because you thought it right? But you must want something.”

“I did it more because of the confluence of ethics, aesthetics, and the challenge of the task than anything. Now, I really must be going, my Lady. I’m surprised that the guards haven’t heard us already.”

Aphrodite waved her hand dismissively, “They cannot hear us unless I want them to hear us. Now, don’t change the subject. Even though you didn’t ask for anything, I’m feeling indulgent. Tell me what you want, and as long as it isn’t too awful, I will grant it. I insist.” Her eyes watched him expectantly.

Kleptes thought for a moment, nodded, and extended his hand. “As you wish. I would like, if it isn’t too much to ask, to kiss your perfect hand.”

The Goddess smiled broadly, the smile just a touch off balance, and took his hand. “A good request, and one that I will happily grant, mortal.”

Kleptes moved to kiss her hand in the most appropriate way possible, which actually meant that he would kiss his own thumb, and yet, right before his lips made contact, she shifted just a touch so that he kissed her right on the top of her hand. He attempted to release her hand abruptly, but she held on for about half a second longer.

When she let go as well, Kleptes looked away and cleared his throat. “Well, it’s been quite pleasant but I really must be going. The whole ‘in your temple late at night illegally thing’.” He then turn around, and was face to face with Aphrodite, her arms folded, mouth slightly pursed, and one eyebrow arched. She then extended her hand to him with her palm up.

Kleptes sighed, realizing he was caught, and returned the small gold bracelet he'd lifted from her when he had her hand in his to kiss it.

Aphrodite held the bracelet and smiled. “Hmm. Well, I can’t exactly be too upset with you. You did see the error of your ways, after all. Besides, I think I might have a need of someone with your particular talents. I would like you to serve me. If you agree, I promise you that you will end up happy beyond belief. That is...”

Aphrodite released the bracelet, and it rang like a bell throughout the entire temple when it hit the ground, gaining the attention of every guard within a solid mile.

“If you survive."

Then she, Eros, and the bracelet, all faded into nothing.